A Bovine-American celebrates no ban on farts.
We can all breathe a sigh of fresh (or not soooo fresh) air that farting cows have been spared. Their Civil Liberties will not be infringed upon by the New Green Deal or any other Deal now, or any other time during their existence in the United States of America. As Pasteurized Citizens, Spanish-Bovine-Americans and Anglo-Bovine-Americans are granted fundamental rights to fart and exhibit any other naturally occurring bodily function by the U.S. Bovine Migration And Pasteurization Clause (U.S. Const. amend. M. § 0.0).
Controversy sparked by the FAQ section of the initial New Green Deal release. The resolution stated:
We set a goal to get to net-zero, rather than zero emissions, in 10 years because we aren’t sure that we’ll be able to fully get rid of farting cows and airplanes that fast.
The Bovine-American community has been on the defense since talk of zero-emission cows began after NPR’s article stirred the debate back up in 2014. The article contained statistics from the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization report stating 39% of Greenhouse gas emissions in 2011 came from livestock. The Bovine-American Association for Beef accounted for 55% of those emissions, while the U.S. Center for Bovine-American Production of Dairy shared accountability with other minorities in the Bovidea community.
Industry tensions between the BAAB and the USCBAPD were at record highs. Special interest groups within the Bovine-American community began protesting the dairy section of grocery stores in support of the Bovine Dairy Workers Union of America (BDWUA) fight against low wages and unsafe working conditions.
The protests spread across the Mid-West. Spin-off groups began forming and protests remained in global headlines for months. Heifers Rights groups held rallies in Washington D.C. to gain attention for sexual discrimination in the workplace, calling to ban First-Calf Heifer identifiers on job applications. Shortly after, the #MooToo movement was born. Celebrity and Heifer Rights activist Allyza Moolano intimated the movement with a single #MooToo tweet on October 14, 2017. In 24 hours, the hashtag had been tweeted 200,000 times.
A few organizations received backlash within the Bovine-American community for their violent demonstrations and using hate speech.
BDWUA President Maria McCaffe-O’Lait told Murphy Review in an interview in August 2018,
Groups like Bovines in Revolt are a disgrace to the Bovine-American community. It’s really a shame because their violent outburst and hate filled rhetoric has overshadowed the fight for fair pay and safe work practices for every Bovine-American worker in the country.It’s been very disappointing, but we’re still here working with policy makers on some exciting legislation that we have to have in place by Spring 2019.All I can say is stay focused America, stay focused.
It doesn’t end there. The Heifers Rights March has been getting bad press as well for its leader Ilk Baquara made comments on Twitter in response to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu declaration that “the Jewish Cow is the most productive cow in the world”. Baquara’s Twitter rant included discriminatory terms against Jewish-Bovines.
It doesn’t look like things will ease up the the Dem-Bovs Party anytime soon.
Whiteface on White House Farm
Democratic National Bovine-American Committee in Hot Water
VIrginia Bovine Governor Ralphie Moortham has been asked to step down by the masses over a photo wearing whiteface 35 years ago.
Politicians wearing whiteface have been popping up like mushrooms as of late.
Here’s the rest of the list: